Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
