some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
NoShamevember. You game?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
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