Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
