i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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