No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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