: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
she peed on how many people?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
