you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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