just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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