We're like a lot better than the average bears
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
