my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
