The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
