So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
What happened to fro yo and sex?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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