If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
