I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
