I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
