Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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