I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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