I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
