i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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