You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
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