All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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