Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
