you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
