Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
