i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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