i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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