i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
