Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
