Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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