I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
