Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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