I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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