we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
