You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
