feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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