I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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