so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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