Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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