Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
