He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
