I could have mohawked her pubes.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
