Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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