Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
dude. I can hear the air.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
