Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
