My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
love makes seman taste better
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
