She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
