I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
