I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
