So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
