sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
