it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
As shirtless as possible
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
