There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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