Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
