I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
