Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
