Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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