I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
