if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Please don't give away my fajitas
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize