Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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