You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
