I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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