I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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