i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
