this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
