It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
