How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
