I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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