I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
