Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize