Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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