My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
