I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
